People said : there is nothing wrong to be alone.
Yesterday , my brother and sistor in law were not sleep in my apartment.
They were very busy in the past few days, because they were preparing their new home.
There were a lot of matters about the new house for them to solve that out. Part of me felt so happy for them , part of me felt so empty.
Maybe that is the feeling which every parents had when their kids leaving for new place.
I don't know am I right or not , because I don't have kids.
But I know I am going to be alone in the coming few months, this is something I have never experience before.
Totally alone, no parents , no brothers or sisters ,
no family related , no personal related, no pets.
Just me.
Am I happy for this ?I don't know. Maybe I should be happy.
Think positive , there is nothing wrong to be alone.
Is it ?
People also said : this is just temporality period of time.
But it still scare the shit out of me.
Think positive.
People are keep saying that.
Someday Someone will be there.
what is love ? Do I love her ?
or That is just a delusion of my addiction to rely on someone ?
I never had this kind of feeling in my life.
Because I am so alone. So I start to think and wondering why.
I am try to figure out. But people told me that is God's business.
Yeah , yeah , yeah ...
Son , it is not the end of the world.
Smile to you first. My mentor told me that.
I still remember what she said.
She is so scare about "our" future ( is there any US in her life , I am wondering )
So she quit on me. She said : I am so scared , with out you, I will be alone.
Is that true ?
Now she draw back to her family , and criticize me were not strong to stand up my own.
And now , I am facing a empty apartment, with no TV in the past 1 year and it will still be that way.
no parents , no brothers or sisters ,
no family related , no personal related, no pets.
Just me.
She said , at least one of us ( me , she and my father ) is happy.
I am wonder , who will that be ?
My dad ?
Suddenly I realize , that is her.
It seems she is happy now, So I am happy for her now.
Do I ?
Alone, Just me.
